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Calm Lake

Two Seasons & Ma's Diner

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"...Are you dumb all day long or does it wear off after breakfast..?"

Welcome to the Town of East Puddleduck, Maine, which many unique residents call home. Each with their individual eccentricities, there are several that stand out along with the main character of Wilomena Farnsworth.

An opinionated, cantankerous, and ornery old woman that everyone calls 'Ma'.

The town itself is situated in the northernmost point of Maine just before the Canadian border. A cul-de-sac and as some would say, "An island without any water." The one road in (and back out) takes you underneath Ma's "unwelcoming" sign and leads you to the tiny village where you'll pass by the aging municipal hall. Inside, you'll most likely find the mayor lounging about with his two selectpersons agreeing to everything he says. Smirnoff's General Store is across from Ruby Red's Beauty Parlor and just down the road from MkIntyre's Gas Station and Used Car Emporium. All just before you arrive at Ma's Diner, nearest the end of the Main Road.    

Please take a moment and meet a few of the residents below.

* Book cover artwork and character sketches performed by the author *

REVIEWS

I need a break from everything; so I'm going to East Puddleduck where I can count on Ma for stability and have life's priorities put in proper order.  I find your writing to be excellent, the stories fun and the flavor of style is in keeping of what one would expect of true Americana Folk Lore. I see Ma taking her place along side Paul Bunyan, Tom Sawyer and Davy Crocket.

                  - Jay Alden Bailey,                                     Author, Mudflap Series

The Cast of Characters

Wilomena 'Ma' Farnsworth

Elmer 'El' Miller

Ma is the matriarch of East Puddleduck. She's an ornery, cantankerous, and opinionated older lady that owns and operates the local diner, 'Ma's Diner'. She's married to Elmer 'El' Farnsworth, her much quieter and more level-headed other half.

Ma's overly protective of the townsfolk and doesn't mind telling them how to live, act and breathe around her. Underneath it all, she has a heart of gold and would do anything for any one of them...although she complains about it all the while.

Bob Johnson and his wife,  Mable

Constable Bob is the one and only police officer for both the towns of East Puddleduck and the neighboring town of Skunksquirt. Bob keeps the peace while eating most, if not all of his meals, at Ma's Diner, and he considers himself to be one of Ma's favorite patrons. However, she'd most likely argue this fact.

Mable Johnson, Bob's better half and one of the town gossips, works occasionally for Ma at the diner.

Rupert and Eleanor Wiggleswort

Rupert is the town's mayor and considers himself the top decision-maker, even though Ma always has the last say. Rupert can usually be found in his tiny little office within the aging municipal building along with his two selectpersons if he's not in the diner eating a good meal and taking verbal abuse from Ma.

 

Eleanor, his boisterous wife, spends her time providing Rupert with the answers that the townsfolk want to hear when it comes to decision-making. That is when she's not having the gray taken out of her hair at Ruby's Salon. 

Jacob and Valerie Daley

Jacob is one of the two selectpersons to the mayor while his better half, 'Val', is one of Ma's most trusted managers and can usually be found working alongside her in the diner. 

Paul and Matilda Doody

Paul makes up the other bookend to the mayor. His outspoken wife, Mattie, is Ma's nemesis. Consistently in competition with each other, Mattie has no problem providing her thoughts and opinions, which is quite often.

 

Cicely and Smirnoff....umm...Smirnoff

(The truth is, no one can pronounce his first name).

Cicely owns and operates the one little general store in East Puddleduck along with her husband, Smirnoff. 

Cicely watches out for Ma and works in the diner when business is slow at the store, leaving her husband to operate the family business during these times.

 

Smirnoff enjoys poking fun at Ma by speaking in his native tongue, which Ma doesn't understand. In reality, Smirnoff also watches out for the old woman even though she appears to be pretty mean to him at times. But then again, she can be pretty mean to everyone.

Puut (pronounced Pu'ut) Voisine

Puut is our resident survivalist. He lives off-grid, even in a rural town such as East Puddleduck. He does eat at Ma's Diner quite often, however, it's believed this is primarily to spend time annoying the owner.

Ruby 'Red' Mayflower

Our resident beautician, her shop is gossip central. A lovely lady who acts a bit younger than her actual age.  With bright red hair, she's every man's, especially Puut's, dream lady. However, don't try catcalling her, or she may just lay you out, and rightfully so.  And it might just be Ma that lays you out, as she doesn't allow anyone to disrespect Ruby, other than herself.

Old Marmaduke

Old Marmaduke is arguably East Puddleduck's oldest resident and by far the wisest. When an answer can't be found by asking either Ma or the mayor, Old Marmaduke is sought out for his logic and guidance.

Marmaduke's Canadian heritage shows in his heavy French accent and he proudly lives in his old ramshackle house, and can usually be found sitting on his front porch watching cars, and life, go by if he's not enjoying a meal at Ma's.

Old Marmaduke is a wise, old soul and, for the most part, highly respected by Ma and the other townsfolk.

Runyon Farnsworth-Miller

Runyon is the only grown child of Ma and Elmer. A hard-working man in his early-mid thirties, he's the town's handyman. If there's a job that needs completing, and he's not out hunting or fishing with his buddy, Puut,  Runyon's the person to call. 

Joshua and Wally McIntyre

 The twins, who look nothing like each other, own and operate the local service station and used car lot. The naive, however trustworthy boys are hard working and watched over closely by Ma, who makes certain they behave at all times.

 

Father Winkin

Percible Winkin is East Puddleduck's spiritual advisor. With an air of pompousness about him, he provides a Sunday service that many of the town's residents attend each week. You may want to listen closely, though, as you might just hear a few quotes that aren't exactly taken from the good book, as Percible is an avid movie buff and he likes to quote film all too often.

 

Myrtle Watson

Myrtle Watson is the older sister of the mayor. A divorcee, she doesn't mind giving poor marriage advice to anyone who hasn't asked for it. The leader of the church's children's choir, and the one and only town clerk, is undoubtedly the biggest gossip in town.

Boris, Fluffbut, and the Bear

Ma's dog, cat, and the bear

Character Sketches & Artwork

Pencil sketch of Ma in familiar headgear from both Two Seasons and Ma's Diner

Pencil sketch of Ma and her least favorite animal from a chapter in Two Seasons

Pencil sketch of Ma driving the old Chevy and yelling at someone

Pencil sketch of Constable Bob Johnson

Pencil sketch of Ma and 'the bear' that appears in both Two Seasons and Ma's Diner

Pencil sketch of Ma for Ma's Diner

The original pencil sketch of Ma

Pencil sketch of Puut Voisine and Ruby Red

Pencil sketch of Ma and Elmer depicting a scene from a chapter in Two Seasons

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Acrylic on canvas of Ma's Diner, Bob's cruiser (complete with his hand-painted lettering), Ma's truck, and the bear. New cover design for 'Ma's Diner'

The cover design for 'Two Seasons' is a wood-burning on a plain, old cedar shingle.

The original cover design for 'Ma's Diner' is a wood-burning on a piece of pine board.

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